On The Street Behind My Office - # 1 - My House

When the sun shines
I feel it,
See it,
Smell it.
On the leaves nearby and the pavement around
Where I live.
When the rains come and the storms that
Fall from Heaven like
Blinding avalanches of sound & sight -
Pelting, heavy raindrops,
Or hail,
Wet and cold,
Or hot with seeping, steaming, sticky fingers –
It pounds the roof
And streaks the windows
And rocks the floor
And trembles my bed…
And I hold on to everything and wonder;
Will this be It?
The End?

People pass my house in the daytime
And I watch and wonder
About their lives.
Students with books and bags and cups of Starbucks.
Women in suits and walking shoes.
Men carrying leather cases along with their guarded faces.
Where do they work?
And how do they live?
What do they do with each day’s
Empty mornings falling to hollow noons
And diving into the fearful tunnel of night?
They see me and I know
That they wonder the same
Of me.
It’s written on their faces
As we regard each other
Through my windows.

But my house is the worst
By night.
Cold – I cannot find enough warmth.
Hot – Afraid to open windows for air.
Rainy – Sometimes it leaks.
The fear cannot be shaken
That unknown, unseen eyes
Observe me, study me, plot against me
As I shudder,
Locked within.
I look around me
And the dark of night
Cloaks my blinking, straining, burning eyes.
Often I wish the streetlights were nearer…
But then remember
That I picked this place
Because of its velvety darkness and quiet shades.

Sleep is elusive – always. Ever.
What hands may unlock and open my house?
What instruments may break a window
And close my consciousness
Forever.
And take the things
I have so carefully saved,
and packed,
and need.

When I lock the doors
And walk somewhere to find something to eat,
I turn a corner and look behind me.

There it is.

But will it be when I return?
What if it is taken? Stolen?
With everything that I have left in this world?

It’s possible.
The theft of my home.
Simple hot-wiring would do it.

And then, what?


Written 2-14-05 about the homeless man living in a car parked on the street at the back of my office building